Road Construction. ARGH!
As they work on highway 50, we have a taste of big city life. Pilot cars, long delays, and frustrations. You could literally see right where you wanted to go but couldn’t get there for 20 minutes.
I stuck to the roads in town as much as possible but crossing highway 50 was out. Anything I needed would just have to wait. I was irritated and cranky and maneuvering around back roads to figure out how to get somewhere. One person mentioned they would just wait the few days till the construction was over. Another friend drove north a few miles and went around rather than sitting in it.
It reminded me how much I love our small town and rural life. Yes I want business in our area but not to grow our town so big that we have to sit in traffic like that.
I laugh because road construction in New York takes years. I swear I grew up with the same cones in the exact same places my whole life.
While this project here will go on into August, getting around town is almost complete after just a week or two. And part of the road is thankfully finished.
It is resurfaced and beautiful and makes me happy.
That reminds me how often we have to do work on ourselves.
We don’t want to. It hurts. It is a pain because we have to do it while we still have a mountain of tasks to complete - get children here, and there, work tasks, pay bills, life.
And the I don’t want to and OW that hurts. But digging in and digging deeper takes courage. We all have that courage for some of the smaller things. And who isn’t really good at seeing what someone else needs to do? LOL.
But the deeper wounds. The ones that come back up again and again. When those need to go it requires work and pain and having to face hard truths about ourselves.
Have you ever seen an addict who thinks they are fooling the whole world. They put on this huge act but everyone knows. They are only fooling themselves. Well I think in a way all of us are addicts. Every secret we think we are hiding is clear as day to everyone else.
No, the public doesn’t know the details. But they see the hurt, the anger, the betrayal.
I started going back to Sunday school last week thinking Mother’s Day was over and the coast was clear. But someone brought it up and it brought back this raw feeling of my childhood experience with mothers. Instead of being afraid, I decided it was time to face it.
I could almost see the issue I am struggling with bubbling to the surface. And while I know it may be time for it to go I am not exactly sure how to go through it. I guess recognizing it is there is a start.
I know God can heal the wound. I know He does and will use the wound to help others. But I wonder if it will always be there.
But like the construction going on, the “after” is smooth and beautiful.
So to all those willing to fight for themselves and for their healing, yea you! For those willing to get in the ring and go through it, I am reminded of Teddy Roosevelt’s 1910 speech a the Sorbonne in Paris. “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
So Get in the ring. Fight for your healing.
It may not look pretty and you may feel awful for a bit. But you are worth it!
After reading this over my husband said I have written about this most of the spring. So if you are tired of it, I get that. But for me I guess growth, even in small amounts, takes more than one or two glances. Here I am, stumbling upward.
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