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The brokenness in me honors the brokenness in you

I have a bad habit of not writing my column until the rest of the paper is complete. I just don’t feel like it is right to think about what is personal to me until my job is done. Sometimes that means it comes down to the wire.
  And it is more than just a bad habit. It reminds me that my need to put everyone else first can lead to an emptiness inside. 
But I need balance. If I put myself first all the time it feels wrong. If I put my needs last, I get depressed or angry or frustrated. It is a tricky line to walk especially with a family, a business, and enjoy serving in the community.  I am often needed in several places at once.
  As most of you know I didn’t exactly grow up “normal.” In fact it wasn’t until my late thirties I even took the time to learn what my favorite color was let alone what my needs vs your needs were.
  Years ago when I held a secretarial position I took on the job of trying to make everyone’s birthday special. My bosses and coworkers were my priority. And I went all out. I got my boss NFL tickets and got everyone to chip in. It was so cool.  
Then my birthday came and it was an awful day. Not one person there noticed my birthday or cared. As a young twentysomething with poor communication skills, I sulked. I never told anyone when my birthday was. I just assumed someone would care enough. 
On top of that, when I called my father for comfort, my dad said “I remembered and sent you flowers. Did they not come?”
I was floored. I ran down to the shipping department and asked throughout the day. By 2:00 PM I called my dad back to say they hadn’t come. He laughed and said, “I was just joking.” I was crushed.  
  The hurt stuck with me for many years. The foundational people in my life didn’t have the skills to teach me and I in turn passed those onto others I worked with.
But honestly that is how I was raised. It was my job to think of my father and my sister and not about myself.
  Years later, after moving to Syracuse, a friend decided to throw me a flower birthday party to help heal that wound.
  I was amazed at the kindness shown to me.  It was not anyone’s job at work to take care of my needs. It was mine. 
While maybe my dad could have actually sent flowers or not said anything at all is debatable, the truth is after years of therapy and self help books, I am still broken.
How about you? Got any wounds that need healed? I have tons. I work on them slowly but the healing doesn’t come until I let go of what everyone else thinks. 
It’s not easy is it? Not easy to work through the issues and for others it is not easy to deal with the broken people. Though I imagine we are all broken in some fashion.
Maybe that’s the goal. Maybe our job is to love others and help them through their issues. Or maybe it’s to give grace when we don’t understand their life experiences.
Relationships are tough and harder when we don’t acknowledge the brokenness in ourselves or each other. 
So here is the vulnerable me again hoping someone heals from the brokenness in me. 
 I can see the healing because as I tell the flower story I don’t feel any resentment or anger. I feel gratitude for those along the way who helped me heal. 
What is that saying- Namaste? The light in me honors the light in you. 
  Maybe to me - The brokenness in me honors the brokenness in you.

OPINIONS

Miracles and Mysteries

It’s been a long while since I was out in the field being a part of the team planting wheat, emptying and loading seed, taking pickups here or there. Busy with wonderful things like being a mom, running a business, community involvement.  But driving out looking at... [More]

What is success?

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Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

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Serving Others

This morning I noticed the newspaper’s byline has been “The Voice of Hamilton County since 1885.” I don’t like it. Today I switched it to “Serving Hamilton county since 1885.” I think it suits the newspaper’s ideal better.   ... [More]

Where's My Self Care?

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Making The Most Out Of Life

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A SUNSET

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One Of The Greatest Lies Ever Told

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SPORTS

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LADY BULLDOGS BORDER WARS CHAMPIONS!!

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JH Basketball Season Underway with JH Boys sweeping Lakin

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Senior Night Volleyball

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HS Track

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SHS SPORTS WRAP UP

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Spring Sports Start

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SUBSTATE HEARTACHE

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HEADING TO SUBSTATE

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NEWS

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WELCH BRINGS MILES OF SMILES

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First National Bank of Syracuse is now Dream First Bank

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GOV. KELLY LEADS AREA RURAL ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT ROUNDTABLE AT WHOLLY COW MARKET IN JOHNSON

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WHAT A YES VOTE IN NOVEMBER COULD DO FOR THE LIBRARY

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Todd Thanks His Customers - The End Of An Era

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SCOULAR UPGRADES AND A HISTORY OF THE COOLIDGE ELEVATORS

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The Lunch Room

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John Smith Pleads Guilty

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OBITUARIES

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Vernon L. Stokes

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Francisco “Frank” Griego

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Dean Bearce

Dean Bearce, age 77, of Manter, Kansas, passed away August 30, 2022, at Stanton County Hospital in Johnson.   He was born on December 13, 1944, in Syracuse, Kansas, the son of W.O. “Bill” and June (Cott) Bearce.   Dean married Linda Clark on August 19,... [More]

Betty Lou (Baskin) Vanderpool

Betty Lou (Baskin) Vanderpool, age 86, passed away at the Poudre Valley Hospital on Tuesday, August 23, 2022. She was born on October 16, 1935 in Brookfield, Missouri, the daughter of Leonard Paul Baskin and Vivian Lucille (Morgan) Baskin. Shortly after beginning her life in... [More]

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Mary Reinert

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Verlie Viola (Thompson) Bennett

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Terry Ogden Herndon

Terry Ogden Herndon, 88, of Carlisle, died peacefully at Care Dimensions Hospice House in Lincoln on Saturday, August 6, 2022, after a full and wonderful life.  He was the beloved husband for 66 years of Eva (Warmbrunn) Herndon. Born in Syracuse, Kansas on March 15, 1934,... [More]

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Irvin Henry (Junior) Lewis, Jr.

Irvin Henry Lewis, Jr. always known as “Junior” Junior was born in a little country house in Stanton County Kansas on January 26, 1932.  He was the youngest of 3 children born to Irvin H. Lewis and Effie (Mae) Hardin.  The eldest a sister Ethel Lorraine... [More]

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