Emotionally Paralyzed

by Michele Boy | June 3, 2021

Have you ever felt emotionally paralyzed and not sure how to go forward? Panic inside? Fear of the future or fear of being stuck?

The world we live in today has lots of opportunities to think what’s the point?

So much is out of our control. So much is scary or heading in the wrong direction?

Personal example, because that is all I know. My husband saves everything. He finds joy in being surrounded by things. They are his family’s history or memories. They are paperwork that needs taken care of or reading he plans on getting to one day. And more. There are clothes he wants to fit into again. (I own that one too.)

Stuff. So much stuff! As a kid who grew up on the road, there were times when we left with the clothes on our back. I would play a game at night of if I have to leave, I will take a backpack and bring these ten things.

Well I never did. And I used to dream of having a home with generations of memorabilia and history. Here I am living the dream. haha.

But there is little order in the mess and chaos and it drives me crazy. And it has weighed me down.

In truth I think everything its great, in moderation. If I hold on to everything there is no room for anything else. If I let go of everything then I miss out on history and precious memories and possibly things I may need in the future.

So where to begin? I have decided this is the summer of declutter. Organizing and reorganizing, throwing away, giving away, selling what is not needed or used.

But the task itself is overwhelming. One day I started and did great. When I looked around it felt like I had accomplished nothing.

It’s a lot like working out. I do great for a few weeks and then I see no difference.

But I have decided to push forward anyway and try to create new better habits. So each day we are decluttering. On my to do list, it’s one drawer or one box.

We moved into our home three years ago and there are 30 boxes in the basement that have NEVER been touched.

So it’s time. And it’s freeing. Not only space in my home but in my soul.

My hope is by the end of the summer we will have created new spaces. Little things that need fixed will not be on the back burner anymore.

When I watch home remodel shows, the things I love the most are how clean and fresh things look.

Don’t get me wrong, lived in is good. If it’s perfect, then there is no life. But to have mounds and boxes just sit there, isn’t life. It’s stale. It’s stuck.

I think about a river versus a pond. The river flows, moves, releases the old and allows the new. A pond can sit there collecting algae. The stagnation allows mosquitos to breed.

If I had a choice I would choose a river. But that means letting and allowing and releasing. And that can be scary too.

  What’s funny is I found so many things that just don’t mean anything to me anymore. Papers that are unnecessary. And I found room - room to breathe and to allow letting go of what isn’t working anymore.