Here's To The Diplomats

by Michele Boy | June 18, 2020

Have you met certain people that are able to diffuse situations quickly? The diplomats. Their goal is to get from point A to point B with as little drama as possible. Not putting their heads in the sand but rather leaving emotions out of things and moving forward.

Most of us do not have that gift. As I scan social media I notice we generally look for what we want and exploit it. The goal is to stand up for injustice but we end up adding fuel to a fire that maybe wasn’t there.

In tenth or eleventh grade, I was in school eating lunch with my friend Melissa Wathington who is black (sharing because it’s important to the story. She also passed away but that’s just important to me). We were talking about boxing and Mike Tyson and how dumb I thought they were. She immediately got offended because she thought “they” meant black people. My “they” meant boxers. Note - I am older now and don’t believe boxers are dumb. I was a child who acted like a child. 

My point is we often infer things. We get ourselves into scraps and arguments that never should have began.

It is the rare diplomat who can siphon through the drama and flames of our emotions and grasp onto the truth to diffuse the arguments and reach a conclusion that often benefits all.

Media in general does not sell news that way. It grabs onto a bit and we grab on like fish to bait.

A NASCAR driver put #backtheblue on his race car along with a thin blue line. Immediately the headline became that he supports #bluelivesmatter.

In college I took a course on logic. If A + B = C therefore backtheblue plus a thin blue line must mean he supports #bluelivesmatter. And he might. But blue lives matter can be inflammatory vs back the blue means he supports the police. There is a subtle difference.

I was leaving a local eatery in Syracuse Kansas when I was introduced to a man. After a few pleasantries and learning I was from Queens NY, his tone quickly changed and almost shouted for the whole restaurant to hear - I guess you voted for Trump. I was a little shocked at how quick we went from pleasantries to politics. The old Michele would have started a political discussion/argument. Instead I simply said I don’t discuss politics. The group laughed and I went about my day. I was proud to see my growth. The opinions of a stranger and a heated discussion in a restaurant would not be to anyone’s benefit.

I have lived with a diplomat for 17 years now who wishes not to be named. And I have learned so much from his ability to truly hear what is said without reading into things.

It would do all of us good to stop for a moment calm down and truly ask ourselves if this is what we heard or what we inferred and assumed.

Did the officer pull you over because of your race or your out of state plates? Or both? Or neither?

Did you respond to the officer kindly the way you wish to be treated or defensively, assuming there would be a fight?

In my youth I was kicked out of a bar for fighting. I had a chip on my shoulder and I looked for an argument. Today I can walk in a bar and I am at peace with myself enough to let the things that don’t matter go.

If someone calls me a derogatory name that is their issue not mine. There is great freedom in not allowing others to control you. And yes I’m still working on it.

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy - Isaac Newton

I once had an idea for a diplomacy app, you type in what you want to say and it reveals what you could say. For example, I type “Go to EXPLETIVE” and the app says, “You may be right.”

Just a thought.