The fact that this paper is out is nothing short of a miracle. Yes we say that all the time but I truly mean it. Between a plane crash, fires, weekend activites and being a 4-H mom, I have been ten places at once.
On Sunday I got blindsided by someone’s hurtful and inappropriate comment that literally dropped me to my knees. It brought up a history of pain that I couldn’t shake. I reached out to friends, who I might add, are exhausted from listening to me. I tried gratitude, getting busy, focusing on something else. Instead it all failed. I couldn’t do this one on my own. It felt irrational. A person I barely know was taking up so much mental and emotional space. It made no sense which got me angrier.
I started hating myself and taking it out on the people that love me the most. I was unable to focus on my work and the paper looked like it wouldn’t make it out.
What was worse was I couldn’t tell anymore what was my baggage to own and what was hers.
In all honesty all I wanted was to find this person and hurt them too. Again, completely irrational.
Finally I reached out one more time to a friend. She said she had an urge to call me just a few minutes ago. But this time I asked for prayer. And WOW!
She wasn’t able to be with me so she asked God to intervene. She prayed that God would take charge. She saw the daily bible verse and it was exactly what I needed (once I translated it from King James) I am terrible with thee’s and thou’s. She prayed that someone would walk through the door and bring me a hug and some kindness.
Not even five minutes later my husband walked through the door with an extra large iced tea and some chocolate and a hug.
My head cleared for the first time in days! I was able to focus and slowly could put the paper first again.
As I look back on the incident,
I see much clearer.
I have some old wounds that need healing. I have some past assaults that were rekindled.
So maybe I should thank this woman for helping me see where I have wounds and work I need to do for me.
It was almost instantaneous. I got back to work. Things were clearer and I felt like myself again. More importantly I am reminded of the power of prayer, the power that God can do what I can’t.
This week’s bible verse for the paper that I wrote last week was 2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
This is me boasting! I am weak! I am in need. And His power is made perfect in my weakness.
I had prayed on my own and nothing. When my friend was worried her parents would lose their home it was crystal clear that I needed to pray for her because during times of weakness it is too hard.
We need that community of prayer. And I forgot about that. I felt too proud to ask others. I felt too embarrassed. If you don’t know my past, you wouldn’t understand the pain. So I felt like my situation wasn’t worthy of prayer. I felt shame.
In my weakness, I wondered if maybe God had left me. I went through a lot of emotions - none of them good.
But God. But prayer.
I have seen so many people say I don’t need God. I am fine on my own.
I am truly happy for you and your journey.
For me, I can’t do life without Him. He is my rock, my fortress and I will ever be needy for Him. And I will boast about it! Not about this situation, not about this person, not if I don’t want to lose any more friends. LOL!
It also reminded me of one of my favorite quotes from the book The Drifters by James Michener. “When they conk you on the head with their billysticks, zap them right back with superlove.”
I guess the next time I see her I will just tell her she has really pretty hair.
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