Everything's Gonna Be Alright

by Michele Boy | April 4, 2024

It's April.  April showers bring May flowers. Showers are forecasted later this week. Nice gentle rains are always welcome here. 
I had a phone call with a woman who ended the conversation saying, "I appreciate your candor." I had to laugh. I am not the best at many things but candor I have a lot of. 
Some papers come together easily and others you have to pull teeth. This one was the latter. Some things were late, some never materialized. Mostly I feel like I fought myself the entire time. I am about an hour away from my deadline and things still aren't complete. 
So when this paper gets sent, I will be ready for a short break. 
Things are changing slowly. My daughter is growing up and needing me less which is a wonderful thing, but still a little bittersweet. 
It feels like yesterday I held her hand down the church steps to the preschool her dad went to. She was excited and I was a mess. She said, "It's okay mommy. You can go home and cry now." That was it. I burst into tears there, suddenly making her cry. 
The preschool director gently kicked me out and sent me a picture 30 minutes later of my daughter happy as can be. 
Each step is amazing and challenging. I have to let a little go as she grows and fill that space with something. Once upon a time I was her whole world. Now she is developing her own interests, style, and friendships. It is cool to see but I miss that little fun tagalong who took every ounce of my energy. 
How are you doing with changes? Some people are moving, some are changing jobs, increasing their families, or embarking on new adventures. I think that is true every year at this time. 
When the changes are painful, like death or illness, it is hard on all. When the change is your own it can be exciting. When the change happens to you it is much harder to embrace. 
Where am I going with this? 
I guess it's about balance. How do I take care of my own needs, my health,  my interests while caring for my family? How do we achieve the ever elusive balance? 
Well the truth is it comes in waves. When my daughter was a baby, there wasn't much "me" time and I was okay with that. Ten minutes to run errands on my own felt like a beach vacation. 
Today having more time means I am having to reinvent how I spend my days. 
It is time to start budgeting my time better. I keep telling my daughter balance. Family, friendships, chores, school, and work. It works when there is balance. But maybe I don't live that as well as I preach it. 
So I think I am going to start with my clothing in the closet. I feel the need to purge, to take all of it out and put back only what I actually wear. 
I signed up for a writing and publishing conference in a couple of weeks. It is midweek which throws a curveball into the family routine but we will make it work. 
I admit going somewhere on my own is a little uncomfortable. Once upon a time I went for long walks by myself, went to the movies, hiked, answered to no one. Today I have clearly changed. 
Walking into a room full of strangers was never an issue, today it is. 
But it is time. It is time to start getting out of my comfort zone. 
The balance I am preaching about I need to live. 
I keep hearing that  old blues song by Muddy Waters "Everything's gonna be alright."
I remember the riff and the sound but the only lyric that goes through my head is Everything's gonna be alright. Everything's gonna be alright. 
I spend so much time worrying, overthinking, wondering if this step or that one is the right one. But I remember the preacher Joyce Meyer saying, it's okay to make a mistake. God will find you.
I have gotten so accustomed to overthinking every decision. Sometimes we have to just jump in with two feet and not overanalyze it. 
Maybe a little childlike spirit would do everyone some good.