You know what I am really good at? I can see what you all need to do to be better. That person over there needs to work out more. You, over there, you need to stop complaining. And that one there, you need to do better at time management.
As I celebrated Easter this year, I heard the song Loving my Jesus and the words brought me to my knees. The Jesus I know is about showing my scars. Telling my story of how mercy can meet you where you are.
Isn’t it easy to tell so and so what’s wrong with them?
What would our world look like if we humbled ourselves and shared where we failed and how Jesus forgave us?
Wow that’s hard. That means putting down the facade we show the world and get vulnerable. You know the areas we don’t want anyone to see.
We say Happy Easter or He is Risen. But do we tell others of our pain and our pasts? No because we can’t show our brokenness. That’s too hard. We feel people will judge and look at us or mock us. Shame and judgment are such great tools to keep us apart.
What if we laid those down? What if we didn’t tell people why they need Jesus? What if we told them why we needed Him?
I failed. I failed more times than I succeeded.
The last thing this lost world needs is someone I’m trying to be.
So let me get real. I am reading a book called The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. It’s a book about what would happen if you got to go back and make different choices in your life. The first thing the character did was open up The Book of Regrets.
What is wild to me is that they mentioned the date she opened the book. That particular date happens to be the birthdate of my ex-boyfriend. It is a time of my life where I have the most regrets. Coincidence? Maybe.
I made choices and I experienced the consequences of those choices. But God found me where I was, in an abyss I had created, and used all I had done to bring me where I am today.
I go back and forth because I love my life and had all these things not happened, I wouldn’t be here with an amazing family and work that I enjoy. It is still a hard chapter for me because I failed over and over. And I hurt others in a way I can never repay. I changed their lives forever too.
But maybe that guilt and shame is good. It is a reminder to me that I can’t go it alone. I need God to guide me.
And I have His forgiveness that draws me closer to Him.
And I made a vow that day that I’d spend the rest of my life Loving my Jesus, Showing my scars. Telling my story of how mercy can reach you where you are.
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