Last week I mentioned this year would probably be emotional. The first emotions of the year were awesome and then I got hit with the flu and COVID. So frustrating. But I kept hearing God say, “You are being led.”
I started to speak gratitude in the midst of my anxiety, fear, and frustration. I got sick in between sheep season and basketball season for my daughter, which starts this Saturday. I am grateful my daughter is not ill. I am thankful I was able to work from home and to pray with love and understanding for several who are struggling. This bout of COVID doesn’t seem to be as bad as last time.
I have this idea that being led somehow means nothing will get in my way, nothing will fail. But, that is pure selfishness. The truth is the obstacles make me stronger, help me offer more compassion.
My expectations, my frustrations all come from the same place, fear.
When I opened my computer to work on the newspaper Monday morning, I heard
Casting Crowns sing, “Are you sure this is the plan that You have for me?
Out here in the dust and clay
God, if there’s a bigger picture
It’s gettin’ hard to see today
But I know that You won’t leave me.”
Do I know that, or do I just say that? Lip service is easy. Oh I trust you. I trust you when it all falls apart?
I don’t think I have that kind of trust. Nor do I want to find out.
When I talk to others, they are having similar battles. The plans they made, the things they trusted fell apart. So maybe this column is for everyone confused at what is going wrong.
My husband got me a coffee mug that says “Jesus Fix It. Because if I fix it, I am going to jail!” I laughed because it is true. I see with my own eyes, and I base decisions on what I see. God sees deeper. God sees the bigger picture.
Remember that saying, “What if I fall? Oh but my darling what if you fly?”
Just because it isn’t looking good doesn’t mean there isn’t something wonderful about to happen.
I remember once hearing a preacher say, “But God!” That every time something looked like it was falling apart, God showed up and it immediately changed. Do we have that expectancy? Probably not.
Too many times we have lost loved ones we prayed for, watched needless suffering.
But what if we saw this life as an adventure. That we are on a journey and we are His hands and feet.
I have had some miraculous amazing God moments in my life. Things that just were unexplainable. Yet, I still fear. Maybe I always will.
I remember hearing to write down in a journal all the amazing God moments in your life so when things get hard, you can look back and remember them.
What are you battling today? What didn’t work out? Can you give it to God and trust Him?
Don’t look at me, lol, I am battling the same fears.
But I think that is where community comes in. Sometimes a friend can pray over my situation better than me. As I tell my daughter often, the worst thing to do is keep it all inside.
So, I pray today you have that someone in your life you can count on in your time of need. If you are fortunate there are several someones.
I am reminded of the Celtic prayer, “May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.”
Have a blessed week, and thank you for reading.
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