Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

by Michele Boy | September 8, 2022

Lately I have had a whole lot of ‘woulda, shoulda, coulda.”
A few instances this past week, personally and professionally  left me questioning what I could have done better and what I should have done. Then I start reliving past mistakes from ten, twenty, thirty years ago. Doesn’t help a thing in case you want to try this method. LOL.
  My husband pointed out how I take one small error and lump it together with major errors and end up in a self hatred place that came from almost nothing.
  I stay awake at night reliving some of these “woulds and shoulds.”
Captain Jack Sparrow’s words in Pirates of the Caribbean come to mind. “The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that some day.”
  The difference this time versus all the other times  I have done this is I recognized the patttern and decided it was time to change my thought process. However change does not come easy because I had a couple more “woulds and shoulds” come at me yesterday. I see stories I didn’t cover, some I may not have covered well, on and on, until I considered throwing in the towel. 
 Recognizing something is the first step. I see it and hopefully the next time some obstacle comes along I can deal with them in the moment and make a better decision rather than continually being haunted by past decisions. 
   If all goes to plan, when you read this we will be getting ready to leave for the state fair. Many may recall last year I got sick with COVID and we were unable to attend. It’s our first state fair. And thankfully I have people in my life who help keep me even-keeled.
 Four years ago we started with two sheep and a pig crate in the back of a pickup. Today we are further than we have ever been but see more of what we need to do better. Instead of the woulds and shoulds, it’s time to enjoy the ride and have some fun. We are doing our best for today. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I can look back and see all that we did wrong but that doesn’t help anything.  My focus needs to be what can I do better today. And if I mess something up today then I will take a deep breath and try to make a better decision after. 
 I had too much caffeine Tuesday afternoon and couldn’t sleep well that night. 
There is a great saying, “You are free to choose but you are not free from the consequences of those decisions.”
 I can say I need to do better but nothing I do will change the fact I didn’t sleep because of too much caffeine. Forward, it’s the only way! Ironically I had to have extra caffeine the next morning to get everything done. But the plan is at noon the caffeine stops. We will see. At least I am recognizing I might have a problem. 
And no caffeine is not my greatest issue but it is a reasonable one to get the message across.
  We will make mistakes, daily. We hopefully can see where we fell short and missed the mark.
How we respond and go forward is the key. 
 This is not to make light of major life decisions but lumping in I had too much caffeine yesterday with choosing the wrong life partner doesn’t get us anywhere.
 I guess our job is to fall forward. I am writing this while drinking a strong caffeinated beverage but it’s before noon so I haven’t messed up yet.