Double-Minded

by Michele Boy | November 30, 2023

We didn’t make it to Cheyenne last weekend. Weather and family coming in caused us to rethink our decision. I admit I had my heart set on it and it stung a bit. But it was the right choice for us. 
The hardest part was the back and forth of “do we go, do we not go.” 
It went on for hours and caused some strife, frustration, and a ton of our energy. 
My best days are usually when I have a plan and am able to accomplish those things. When I am indecisive or double minded, I spend more wasted time than actually accomplishing tasks. 
What is that Bible verse? 
James 1:8 says “Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
Think about that for a minute. Walking into any situation unsure of yourself leaves plenty of room for poor decisions or wandering thoughts. Sometimes you can talk yourself into a lot of things or talk yourself out of others.
But in that, there is also times that your intuition tells you to go against your better judgment. Would it have been safe taking livestock and kids on slick roads and dangerously cold temps? It could have been just fine. But we made the best choice for our family. 
So how was my holiday weekend?
Amazing! My niece and her dad came for the weekend. My daughter and niece spent four days and nights laughing, playing, working sheep, and most of all building memories. We cooked meals together, they baked a cake for my birthday, and we smiled and hugged a lot! They rode bicycles, we walked dogs, and went out to dinner one night. 
I couldn’t ask for more. 
Did we make the right decision to not go to Cheyenne? I still don’t know. Even now, I question our choice. 
That’s the frustrating part of double mindedness, it lingers. 
Think back to that time or times in your life when you question should I have or shouldn’t I? Those forks in the road can keep you up at night thinking, second guessing, wondering. 
But you can’t go backward, only forward. 
Lyrics from an old Megadeth song come to mind. “Hindsight is always 20-20. Looking back it’s still a bit fuzzy. If the war inside my head won’t take a day off I’ll be dead.”
We can look back at our old self but even with all the knowledge we have today and think we might have done something different. And if we sit there we will go crazy. There are no do overs. 
So where do you go from here? 
Maybe we get to Cheyenne next year. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. 
If I spent the whole weekend worried about it I would have missed out on all the joy, all the laughter, all the fun.
Soren Kierkegaard said, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
As we head into December 2023 and we take stock of the year, do you have any double mindedness?
Maybe it’s time to write those things down, ask yourself for forgiveness, accept what those things taught you, crumple up the paper and walk into 2024 with a new vision, a new determination. 
When I asked my husband to read this over he said only you can quote the Bible and Megadeth in the same article. 
I laughed. My life certainly has had some twists and turns. While some of those moments are cringeworthy, I am grateful for a new day to move forward. 
The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates