All Things For My Good

by Michele Boy | December 8, 2022

I am writing this Wednesday morning after spending yesterday at the courthouse listening to testimony about sexual abuse.  Right after the newspaper goes to print, I am headed back to the courthouse to listen to a different trial about sexual abuse. 
 It’s a lot. I am grateful that yesterday I got to go into the elementary school and have small children interview me. I loved all their innocence. Then last night I helped my daughter color in her posters for the Christmas parade. 
 Brief moments of joy remind me of the good. 
Do you remember that scene in Armegeddon where the night before the astronauts were headed to save the world, Ben Affleck was having a moment with Liv Tyler? She asked if anyone else was as happy as they were right then?
He responded, “I hope so. Otherwise what the hell are we trying to save?”
 You can spend all your time facing the ugliness in the world. The heartbreak, the loss of a childhood’s innocence, or the loss of a child’s life.
Or you can do what you can to help battle the evil with good.
 I want to go to the parade tonight (Wednesday) and watch my child with her sheep and some friends laugh and smile and build memories. 
 I hope that at the elementary classroom I offered hope. I hope I spread the message that it doesn’t matter where you came from, you have a chance and opportunity. To work hard, harder than the person next to you, and be kind. 
I hope one day my daughter looks back and remembers coloring with me, remembers laughing and cheer at the parade. 
On Monday morning I had an incident at the newspaper. The sheriff came to assist and was wonderful at trying to deescalate the situation. 
 I ended up having to lock my office front door for the rest of the day. I was pretty shook up.
 I was grateful that on Tuesday I was so busy I barely had time to be at the office. But I didn’t lock my door this time. 
And while I was a little more aware, I decided I want to live free. 
 I saw a shirt with the saying, “Never fear the storm. Your resilience in life is built through the adversity you experience. There are no peaks without valleys and there is no life without hardship. Dig in and keep moving forward.
Fear is never the best of us.”
  While nice in theory, what happens when a loved one is sick, or some tragedy happens? 
My dad used to say a coward dies a thousand deaths, a strong man once. Well I guess I have always felt like the coward. I should have said this, done that. I could have handled it better or wondering why I am so rattled?
 Life is unpredicatable. A wonderful experience could be right around the corner or a disaster. The unexpected, the miracle, the moment you worked for could be there or in the next few minutes your life could fall apart. 
Life is like a rollercoaster and sometimes I want the ferris wheel. 
On the ferris wheel I go round and round and while I may not go anywhere, I am still observing and writing. 
On the rollercoaster I have no idea what is going to happen. 
 Life isn’t a scripted movie scene. Those great lines actors say at the perfect time, those were written by a team of writers. And rehearsed. And the scene was staged. 
 In life we have real time emotions, experiences, and histories that color our perspectives. 
I know some of the storms in my life have made me very resilient but other hardships irritate me because I feel like I should be further along. 
No peaks without valleys. Maybe that’s the key. There will be valleys. We won’t handle it all perfectly.  
Ryan Ellis sings, “Everything’s gonna be alright. Everything’s gonna be alright. Your  using all things for my good.” 
I wonder if we lay our head down on our pillow remembering that.
Otherwise what the hell are we trying to save?